The Need To Write

I write because I just feel the need to write.



I don't need to have a specific reason to write. I'm not paid to write... though it would certainly be good to be paid to do the things you like to do.

Utmost importantly, I don't feel pressured to write. It all just came to me, out of the blue. It's like water flowing from the river, it's like the air that we breathe, it's like riding a bicycle or driving the car, cruising to somewhere...

To write something, especially when the moment is right, is like expressing your inner thoughts and sharing them with public, people whom you may or may not know...

Putting pen on paper, elucidating your two cents worth on a scripted canvas, sometimes with a proper narrative, sometimes without, is at times not an easy thing to do. But I thank God for granting me this gift to be able to play with words, unleashing them whenever necessary and sharing them with people...

I'm glad I am able to enjoy and utilize this gift.

I may not be that good, but at least I know where I stand...

Back In The Business... of Writing

When was the last time I wrote something on this blog? Geez, god knows... Eons ago perhaps...

But the long hiatus I took away from writing was mostly attributed to occupational hindrances rather than intentional self-deprecation.

During the long absence, I took time to reflect on my personal cornucopias, the many ups and downs, the myriads of fascinating turbulence and thresholds I came across during my short, sheltered life. Worthy of every penny... It refreshes my personal predilections in life.

So, here I am... writing again on this crazy, no audience Blog. A very self-absorbing piece of literary armamentarium that was launched solely for the purpose of leaving behind a simple legacy...

Thus, allow me to submerge and sink in beneath the splendors and the squalors of my often blusterous and tempestuous expressions and lamentations...

Self-Realization

Understanding what you really, really want in this world is probably one of the hardest things to do...

It took me many, many years until now to find out what I really want to do in life. My line of work, it kept on changing over time and I am sometimes puzzled by what I have been through and the routes I took to bring me to where I am now. Honestly, I am not the best person to speak on 'Career Path' or 'Loyalty In Your Service To A Company'...

What I can impart though is a sincere depiction and interpretation of a typical working man, striving and struggling hard to fit into the rat race in order meet the demands of our daily lives... I am not rich, certainly not in comparison with the current standard of wealth... I am not the most intelligent of men, certainly not a Mathematical genius nor a portentous and profound scientist... I was never a child prodigy... and I never aimed to be the best in the world...

What I really, really want is... a SIMPLE LIFE. A good career, a good income to earn a living, a good family to live with, and plenty of time to spare for myself...

I have come to terms with the many frustrations I faced in life and I have grown accustomed to the stressful ordeals of a corporate world...

I think it is time for me to start charting my own growth based on my own accord. Plenty of sacrifices, perhaps, but ultimately worthy...

Contemplating...

I have felt this urge within me to start stepping out of this "working for people" cocoon and venture on my own, probably doing what I like to do best and having the time of my life spent fully with the people I would really want to be with.

That sort of feeling was in me ever since Mama left us on Christmas Day last 2 years (God, bless her soul) and since we jumped into the New Year.

People say, New Year - New Resolution. Naah!! This thought of mine is not new. It's a rejuvenated thought that came from a deep intention of wanting to have a freedom in career, and a freedom of choice.

Life is too short to be so stressed up and all tensed with unwanted problems i.e. other people's problems.

But one thing is stopping me... THE MONEY!

SLEEPY EYES

Lately... I have not been having enough sleep.

Blame the work... blame the additional part time income merriment that I have been continuously seeking for... blame me for time mis-management... all there is to blame.

My right eye has been clicking egregiously non-stop - indicating a symptom of perennial mental and physical exhaustion. My back is aching at all times... begging for me to stop all the hazardous stretch and stressful motion.

The faster the communication... the more things are required. The bigger the amount of work.

WORK + MORE WORK + AD-HOC PROBLEMS + DAILY ISSUES + OUTSTANDING ISSUES = STRESSFUL LIFE

Filling In The Gaps (Gasps...???)

Strange things happen to the utmost normal of people or situations.

E.g. in the early bustling period of January 2010, it is indeed strange that we, at Y&R JB have nothing much to do apart from trying to get new businesses out of the richness of the corporations and companies in Johor Bahru... mostly thriving over the years due to its closeness with Singapore and lately due to the propensities and intensified emphasis on Iskandar Malaysia.

It is indeed strange that a company as established as Young & Rubicam a.k.a. Y&R had to resort to stranger method of pulling some strings and extreme persuasions in order to gain the extra mileage and added trusts granted by the ever-so-difficult Johoreans.

Johoreans are strange compared to KLites. Here, when it comes to business, COST comes first, not values... not designs... not anything else... but COST.

Advertising Agencies in KL would sell off their ideas first to Clients and try hard to put in many different ways of manipulating the same old thing. But here, such tricks would not bode well among the decision makers who would end up asking the Client Servicing Slaves how much 'damage' would such 'flamboyance' cost them... i.e. it all boils down to DOLLARS & CENTS. And in this case, it is often RINGGIT & SEN.

Hard to sell? Harder to convince... It is indeed the price you pay for wanting to be Creative... Does 'Creativity' carry any value at all in this marketplace?

Sometimes, I am confused myself...

Tough Times Ahead

I should not be making promises that I don't think I am able to keep...

Why? I have not been able to write nor update this blog as frequent as I would have wanted. I am pissed with myself...

The truth is, so many things have happened within this short sheltered frame. Some events were wonderful and pleasing, some woeful and depressing.

All matters good or bad, could only cause a setback to the initial sprawl of motivation and inner strength that were apparent and mounting in the outset. Along the way, inonsistencies and irreverant responses to surroundings may have been the factors for the setback.

Not much could be shared at this juncture. Very minimal. Much on the surface and surface alone.

Only time will tell...

"Me needs strength... loads of it..."

Facing the Myriads of Brotherhood

Siblings are meant to be close to one another. Siblings are supposed to have squabbles and later on patch things up like there was no dispute at all in the very first place. Siblings are deemed to have understood each other’s behaviour and reactions when it comes to dealing with difficult situations and myriads of problems. Yet the spat continues and the misunderstandings pile on.

Truth is, it is a rather daunting task to really understand one another, even though we are supposed to be borne from within the same womb. Brothers and sisters can never face the same direction and have the same thoughts. There will always be a room for counter arguments and there will always be a black or grey sheep whichever you look at it.

I started off being the fortunate one – having been born the fifth out of a family of five. The last one out, so they say. It went off rather well, with everyone wanting a nice piece out of me. All advices were good and ought to be heard. All things done are for the benefit of the youngest of the family. Being the one who came out 10 years after the previous one – God sure has His own reasons for such a scheme.

Come adolescence, I had the enviable advantage of learning and absorbing things much earlier than my peers – having 3 growing brothers and a sister whose teenage years seemed to last very long. There was the innate exposure to things considered taboo for an underage child, recognition of unnecessary four or more letter words, and of course the honour of being appointed the official “coolie” or “custodian of secrets” to all things vice.

Not long thereafter, adulthood came into the picture and things were no longer as rosy as before.

Suddenly, little by little, life’s little irrelevancies began to create a crack in the wall of brethren. Intimacy began to drift further and further. Fun and games were no longer the vocabularies of the day. Life turned out to be troublesome, worrisome, and it seemed as though everyone is having a problem of their own. Some financial, some marital. Some manageable, some affecting others in one way or another.

In the name of brotherhood, one cannot help but to sympathize for another. But to what extent? By all means necessary? Or by means within means?

Reaching out for others require reaching in to oneself. Understanding the plight of others could mean prior self discovery. Looking at the clouds hovering another person’s garden may involve mending to one’s backyard beforehand.

Some may say, what are brothers for? Hey, doesn’t charity begin at home? If you don’t look after yourself, who is going to look after you?